The Bachelor's Olivia on Watching Herself With Ben Higgins: 'It's Embarrassing'

Perhaps you can't have your cake and eat it, too? The Bachelor season 20 standout Olivia, who got off to a hot start with Ben Higgins before things all fell apart, tells Us Weekly exclusively that it's been tough for her to watch herself on the ABC dating series.

The Texas-based news anchor, 23, started things off with a bang, earning Higgins' First Impression rose during the season premiere. But things spiraled out of control, thanks in part to her friction with the other women and her sometimes odd behavior around Ben, including hopping out of a cake for her talent performance. Despite Olivia frequently telling the camera that she was confident because of nonverbal clues he was apparently sending her, he gave her the boot during a two-on-one date in the February 8 episode.

Olivia spoke to Us at the Women Tell All taping on Saturday, February 27, where she admitted that she may have been a bit too focused on Higgins' supposed hints.

"In that situation, you grab onto straws because you’re like, 'He can’t really tell me he likes me, so he looked at me, he touched my leg' but it’s embarrassing, of course, to watch that," she says. "I look into everything I’m an overanalyzer."

Olivia says she feels that she was "misunderstood" during her stint on the show.

"I think my sarcasm and my dry humor was interpreted sometimes [as] 'I’m crazy' or something," she says. "And there were some situations that played out differently than they happened, but I just don’t think I ever made it to air. Like, the real me."

The castoff, who says she was bullied as a "severely overweight" child, is pleased that she and the other ladies were able to talk out their differences on the Women Tell All episode, which airs Monday, February 7.

"I wish things could have been brought up [during the season], and I’m glad that I got to see kind of their side, and I’m glad they got to see my side," she says. "I think we are all past it. We’ve been past it for a while, but we have to hash it out, and I feel really good. I’m at peace."

Olivia still thinks she and Higgins could have been right together had they met outside of the show, but she is now ready to move on with her love life.

"I think if we had met outside of this sphere, we could have [made a good couple], but he was not the one for me," she explains. "And that’s OK. I watched [the season], and I was like, 'Yeah, OK, that wasn’t right.' I was just so hyper-focused and so ready. But he’s an amazing man, and on paper, whoa  perfect for me. But he’s obviously incredibly happy with his choice, so I’m thrilled for him."

"I’ll find my man eventually it will happen!" she adds. "I’m in no rush!"